I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
