that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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