All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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