i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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