Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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