She is in my trunk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
