just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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