I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
