Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
