my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
