I'm really into asian looking animals
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
