this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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