I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
