turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
