When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
