mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
