Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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