Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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