He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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