There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
