I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
