I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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