Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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