Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
