trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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