nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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