I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
