I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
