he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
