If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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