Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
