I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
