That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
