my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
