some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
