I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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