I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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