Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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