I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
