I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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