I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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