wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
