We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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