i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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