Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
