your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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