how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
