How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
