i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
