Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
