she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
