the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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