so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
