I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
