Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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