a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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