Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
