There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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