Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
