I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
