Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
