kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
