there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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