i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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