You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I want a musical about memes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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