Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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