i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My balls are so social today.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
