I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
