and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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