But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
