I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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