UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
