I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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