Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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