i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
