I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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