He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
