my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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