Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
