id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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