On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
