Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we should paint friendship bongs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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