New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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